A Muslim American Family Mixes Islamic and U.S. Values

ChannelOneNews.com December 16, 1998

In Part One of our "One Nation" profile on Islam in America, we met several Muslim American teenagers who have a lot in common with other American teenagers.

Today, in Part Two of our profile, we'll meet a Muslim immigrant family that came from Syria searching for the American Dream — a place to work hard, succeed and raise a family.

"My own parents immigrated to this country from India almost 30 years ago," says Channel One News reporter Gotham Chopra. "I was born and raised here as a first-generation American. Throughout my life, I have tried to blend the culture and values from East and West into my own American identity."

It's a process that most immigrant families go through in their quest for the American Dream. The Kholaki family of Sierra Madre, California, are no different. They have tried to integrate their Islamic faith and its code of ethics with traditional American morals and values.

In 1983, the Kholaki family was living in Damascus, Syria. During that time, widespread political and social conflict was consuming the country. In October of 1983, the Kholakis fled the violence of Syria for the safe harbor of the United States, and for the freedoms it promised.

"In America, we realize the freedom of thought, the freedom of religion," says Saleh Kholaki. "You are free to do anything you want, so it is easier for us as Muslims to practice our religion without being persecuted."

In that same spirit, Sondos — Saleh Kholaki's eldest daughter — chose to attend Alverno High School, an all-girls Catholic school. Sondos says she chose this school because the people there were friendly and open to her ... and curious about the scarf that she wore over her hair.

"You know, you have bad hair days. I have bad scarf days." she says.

"I started wearing the scarf, the hijab when I was 13. It's something to give me confidence, to give me strength and to tell people who I am. It's like my identity."

One of her teachers at the Catholic high school says Sondos brings a breath of fresh air into her religion class.

"She brings so much to class as a Muslim, because she can bring in her own outside perspective," her teacher says. "I think it helps (students) appreciate what is around them a little more."

Sondos has friends from many different backgrounds and religions. And although in many ways she may be your average American teenager, there are some things that her friends can do that she cannot. That's because Muslims practice self-discipline in regards to much of their behavior. For instance, their holy book — the Koran — forbids the use of alcohol or drugs.

"Alcohol doesn't really look that good to me," Sondos says. "Drugs — you see all this stuff that happens to you."

"We model for them," says her mother, Linah. "We don't drink alcohol, we don't do drugs, we don't use bad language at home."

"Let's take dating — for us it is forbidden," her mother says. You cannot date unless you have the intention of marriage."

Sondos says she doesn't mind her parents' expectations that she follow Islamic code of ethics.

"I don't think that they're strict on anything other than what parents should be strict about," she says.

"At home, we keep the family together, the love and the closeness," her mother says. "This is the best thing we can teach them: Family is number one. Family values. You have your mom, your dad. Respect your mom, respect your dad."

Sondos says that sometimes she feels like she's missing out on what other American teenagers do because of some of the Islamic practices she follows.

"Sometimes I do (feel like I miss out), like when your friends have their boyfriends over. It's a whole different kind of love. You have your parents who love you, you have siblings, friends," she says. "I guess when you share that experience with that special someone, I miss out on that. But then again, I see a lot of my close, close friends getting really hurt sometimes by guys who really don't care."

"No matter what, you're a Muslim, you are a Christian, you are a Jew, you have your values and your morals," says her mom. "The values are basically respecting others, respecting yourself, be honest with your words, be honest with your actions. Be proud of yourself, be who you are, love what you are and treat others the way you want them to treat you."

And Sondos has found that balance between those basic values of these three great religions and the life that all American teenagers live.

"You have to have that balance," she says. "I think the religion is more about balancing your social life and your religious life and kind of have everything in between, you know."

Sondos says that Muslim American teens are mostly just like American teens.

"We do everything — we go out to the movies. We go shopping. We drive in the car and listen to music," she says. "We are pretty wild and crazy when we are not praying."

"It doesn't say in the Koran that you can't listen to Metallica," says Sondos.

Part 1