The Ideal Muslim Family

Mohammad Amin C. Cave finds guidance in the Holy Quran for a happyand harmonious Muslim family life.

A MOTHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE
No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders to her child. The mother carries him (in her womb) by enduring strain after strain. And subsequently, at the time of birth, she is suspended between life and death. All this she faces with determination as much as patience barring any regret or anger.

After the child is born, the mother looks after him and brings him up with enormous love. She breast-feeds him for as long as two years, after which she continues to look after her child with all sincerity, regardless of the strain and travail (hard labour) that accompanies such a task. Without doubt, the mother sacrifices time, energy and much more in bringing up her child.

Because of her child, the mother is often forced to go without sufficient sleep------ sacrificing and forgoing much-needed rest. As a consequence, it is only but natural that she would constantly suffer from exhaustion and fatigue. But strangely enough, in reality, the opposite occurs. She is always happy and energetic.

The mother is the one who is up earliest. And at night, it is usually the mother who is the last to go to bed. It is the mother who prepares breakfast for the child and the rest of the family. And when everyone leaves the house, be it for work, for school or for any other reason, it is the mother who is left alone at home. She does not rest, but continues to work ------ busy with cooking and the daily household chores without stopping to rest. And when the child comes home from school, his meal is ready; and he proceeds to eat such with great relish. The mother, however, more often than not, has not had anything to eat as yet.

The mother is always energetic. She performs her chores with a feeling of elation and happiness. Why? Because of her love for her children and family. She does not feel the exhaustion that naturally comes with such work, because it gladdens her heart to know that her child’s future will be a happy and successful one.

A mother wishes that all her children will succeed ------- that is, becoming useful citizens, children who are pious, children who are devoted and respectful to their parents, who obey Allah (fearful of God) and who are useful to their family, society and country as well .

Because of her high aspirations for her children, she is always happy and in high spirit; never tired and exhausted, in spite of her heavy work load. She never sighs and complains, but is ever grateful.

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has described and explained a mother's feelings for her child in the following hadith (his sayings):

Truly, those feelings are a blessing (rahmah) from Allah, if it were not for these feelings, a mother would not be willing to breast-feed her child, nor would a farmer be willing to work in the fields (under the scorching heat of the sun).

A FATHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE
A father’s sacrifice is just as big. It is the father who is the bread winner in the family; he provides money for food, clothing, shelter, education, health and other necessities for the family.

Every day, without wasting time, the father has to earn and provide----- be it by using his mental faculties, or thru physical labour such as working under the scorching heat of the sun , or endangering his life by going out in the stormy seas. He goes through all these with perseverance and determination, solely for the purpose of providing the needs of the family.

The father also harbors hopes for his children similar to that of the mother, which means that his children succeed in becoming useful individuals.

PARENTS AND THEIR HOPES
Expectations of parents with regard to their children are towering. And it would make them extremely happy if their hopes become reality----: their child doing so well in his studies, their child having good and praise-worthy manners.

A child who has achieved this is a pleasure to behold; one who gladdens the heart of his parents, and like a child who is mentioned in the following Du’a (supplication):

O our Sustainer (Allah - the Creator)! Grant that our spouse and our offspring be a joy to our eyes, and cause us to be foremost among those who are conscious of thee! (Qur’an, 25/74)

Thus, every child must aspire to fulfill the desires and hopes of his parents. If he is still a student, he should study conscientiously and earnestly in order that he may perform well. If he completed schooling and gets into society, he should put into practice all that he has learnt. He should behave well at all times and should never himself be a burden to society. He should constantly strive to be a virtuous son who is always obedient to Allah's (God’s) commandments; and he should pray for his parents with good intentions and supplication.

If the son is far away from home, he should not forget his parents who may be feeling lonely. He should write to them often; visit them during his vacation time especially during the Muslim festive season. He should always try to make them happy; and he should never hurt their feelings.

If the son has made a failure of his life, and has led a life abound with sins, he should make a conscious effort to return to the Right Path. He should seek repentance from Allah. He should strive to make amends and should not cause his parents any further grief and unhappiness.

THE VIRTUOUS CHILD
Parents will definitely benefit if their child turns out to be virtuous. A virtuous child who has strong faith and has acquired an understanding of submission (following the will of Allah {God}) which is called Islam and puts it into practice ---- that is, he prays five times a day, fasts during the month of Ramadan, goes for congregation prayers, attends religious lectures/seminars and participates in religious activities.

Such a child will gladden his parents’ hearts while they are in this world as well as in the hereafter.

The Prophet (pbuh), said: "When a person dies, he ceases to receive reward for his deeds with the exception of the following: establishing a foundation for the welfare of the public (for example, building a mosque, school, hospital, etc.), knowledge which has benefited others, and a virtuous offspring who supplicates for him." (Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawud).

A virtuous child will fulfill his obligations towards his parents, as is prescribed by Islam.

Obligations of A child Towards His parent: To treat his parents politely and gently. He must be gentle and devoted towards his parents. He should not adopt rough and coarse attitude towards them, especially in their old age. He should not utter anything that might upset them, but should always speak politely to them.

The teachings of the Holy Qur’aan for the child to follow during his life: "Your Lord (Allah) has ordained that you should worship none except Him and show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain to old age with you, say not ‘Fie’ unto them nor reproach them but speak to them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy (defer humbly to them out of tenderness) and pray: My Lord, have mercy on them both as they nurtured me when I was little." (Qur’an 17:23-24)..

"And we (Allah) have enjoined upon man (to be good) to his parents: His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness.." Qur’an 31:14).

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.." (Qur’an 46:59).

Children should first seek permission before entering their room The children should not enter their parents’ room until and unless they have obtained permission first.

"Yet when the children among you attain puberty, let them ask leave of you (at all times), even as those (who have reached maturity) before them have been enjoined to ask it." (Qur’an 24:59)

To stand before them (parents) as a mark of respect. And as a mark of respect, children should stand when welcoming their parents.

The Prophet (pbuh) used to stand to welcome Fatima (his daughter) when she came to visit him. And the prophet (pbuh) used to kiss her and invite her to sit. Likewise, Fatima used to stand to welcome her father whenever he came to visit her. And Fatima used to kiss him and invite him to sit. That was how Siti Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) used to show respect to her parents. (Abu Dawud, Al-Nasai ans Al-Tirmidhi)

TO HELP PARENTS FINANCIALLY
The children should help out their parents financially should such help be needed. A young man once came to the prophet (pbuh)with a complaint that his father wanted to take his property. The Prophet (pbuh), replied:

"Anta wa-maluka li-Abika" ["You and your property are for your father (to use) "].

Obligation of the child After the death of His parents The prophet (pbuh) was once asked by a companion: "O messenger of Allah! Are there any deeds that I could do to be of service to my parents after they have passed away?"

The prophet (pbuh), replied: "Yes there are: you should supplicate for them and ask Allah to forgive them; you should carry out (fulfill) their promises; you should maintain good relations with your relatives ; and you should honour their friends." (Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Ibn Hibban)

A well known prayer for parents: "O Allah! Forgive me my sins, and the sins of my parents, have mercy on them both as they have looked after me when I was little"

PARENTS WHO ARE NOT NON-MUSLIMS
A child is required to do good towards his parents who are non-Muslims except in matters which will lead to shirk or which will go against Allah --- in which case, the child must not obey the parents.

(Revere thy parents); Yet should they endeavour to make thee ascribe divinity, side by side with Me, to something thy mind cannot accept (as divine), obey them not; but (even then) bear them company in this world’s life with kindness." Qur’an 31:15

Good relation with non-Muslim parents should be maintained, for example, honouring them, treating them politely, helping them financially, providing food and clothing, visiting them and attending to them when they are sick. And most important, to pray that their parents receive guidance from Allah!

Allah’s Reward for the Child: Allah will give a bounteous reward to the child who is devoted to his parents. On the other hand, a child who is rebellious and goes against the wishes of his parents will incur Allah’s wrath. There are numerous hadith with regard to this:

Whoever does good towards his parents will certainly live happily and contentedly; and Allah will lengthen his life. (Al-Fath Al-Kabir).

Be devoted towards your parents so that your children may be devoted towards you.

Allah’s pleasure ceases when the parents’ pleasure cease; Allah's Wrath ceases when the parents’ wrath cease. (Al-Termidhi, Al-Hakim and Al-Bukhari)

There are three prayers which are accepted without any uncertainty; they are: the prayer of one who has been oppressed: the prayer of a traveler; and the prayer of parents for their child. (Ahmad, Al-Bukhari, Abu Dawud and Al-Tirmidhi).

The major sins are: to associate partners with Allah (acknowledging other gods besides Allah), going against the wishes of one’s parents. To kill someone, and to swear falsely. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

The punishment of every major sin is Hell-fire unless the sinner seeks repentance from Allah; or if the sin is going against one’s parents, then the sinner must also seek forgiveness from his parents.

The punishment of every sin will be held back till the Day of Judgment with exception of the sin of going against one’s parents, in which case, punishment will take place during his lifetime before his death. (Al-Tabrani).

It has been narrated that Alqamah was a good companion of the prophet (pbuh). He was very diligent when it came to praying, fasting and giving charity. However, upon getting married, his love for his wife was greater than for his mother. As a result, when he was dying, he was not able to recite the Kalimah "la ilaha illallah." The Prophet (pbuh) asked the mother to forgive her son, however, she refused to do so. Eventually, the Prophet told bilal to gather some firewood; and told the latter to burn Alqamah. Upon seeing this, the feelings of love for her son prevailed; forgave her son, after which, Alqamah was able to recite the Kalimah "La ilaha illah" as he breathed his last.

LOVE YOUR PARENTS!
When we realized how much our parents have done for us, every son/ daughter must love and respect his/her parents, must be good towards them and must be grateful to them.

A child who does this will be bounteously rewarded with paradise in the hereafter and will enjoy a life of happiness and comfort in this world. Insha Allah. On the other hand, a child who goes against his parents will incur Allah’s wrath.

Thus, strive to be a virtuous son/daughter. Love your parents, so that your life will be happy and blissful and you will be protected from the wrath of Allah (God).